please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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