I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
