Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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