I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
