mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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