Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
