Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
