we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
