Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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