So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
