she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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