I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
