somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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