I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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