I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
