I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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