Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
