I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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