I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
