u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize