there's paper in my vomit.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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