sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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