Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
