I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
