Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
