a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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