This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
