honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
