she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
