and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
