I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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