hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
