Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
