there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
