How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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