I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Randomize
