sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
