I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
