No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
