I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
