Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
