hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
