It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
