my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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