I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
