Got a toothbrush?
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize