you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
