Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
