areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize