Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I am spending my child support on dildos
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize