They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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