Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
