it hurts more in the daytime
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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