Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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