Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
