All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize