no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he shaved USA in his pubs
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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