I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
