Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
