she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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