remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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