Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
