Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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