some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
