my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
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