i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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