my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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